Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
