Say something about gay babies.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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