Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
