So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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