Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
