i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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