He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
