Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
