Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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