She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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