i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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