on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
