You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
