happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
