i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
