Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
