my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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