Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
