Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
