Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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