I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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