she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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