After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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