She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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