But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
