She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
