Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
