Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
