I puked a lego.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I need to stop coming to work sober
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
