he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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