i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
