We're facebook friends in real life
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
