my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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