Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Be still, my beating vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
