It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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