Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
