is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
