and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
