saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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