Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
