I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
