no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
