I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
