Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I want a musical about memes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
