I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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