Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
