I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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