i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
