I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
