I'm lost and stupid without you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
