Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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